#TallTalesTuesday Sh!t Happens

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       The other night I had a hot date with a female that I have been wanting to hangout with for a month now. She finally gave into my pimpin and decided to invite me out for coffee at one of her favorite coffee spots downtown. Now I don’t drink coffee but I was willing to drink just about anything if it meant getting next to her.

      I showed up right on time trying not to be on black time as I usually am. I walk in the coffee shop and shes already sitting down at a table by the window, she’s foreign so I guess she was on foreign time. The coffee shop had a chill hippie vibe that I liked. I sat down and talked for a second before I proceeded to buy me a cup of coffee. The menu was written on this chalk board with all these fancy words I’ve never heard of before. In fear of looking stupid I ordered something I remembered someone ordering in a movie one time, a vanilla frappaccino. Needless to say they had it. Afterwards I sat down with my hot date and talked for sometime and the coffee was so good I decided to buy a second one. It started to get late and my date informed me that she had to get home because she had to get up early in the morning. So we walked outside kissed and hugged and said our good byes.

      This couldn’t have happen at a better time because my stomach was starting to bother me and I finally got to let out this fart I had been holding for sometime now. Then I proceeded to get in my car and head home from downtown. After about two blocks my stomach started to hurt again so I figure it was gas and began to let it out until I felt something wet behind it. Little did I know at the time coffee is also a laxative and if you drink it on an empty stomach it will go right through you. I had barely ate all day so I was in big trouble. I was still downtown and there wasn’t any place to stop and use the restroom at this time of night. The closes place was a gas station that I was three stop signs and one light away from. I figured the only way I could make it in time was if I ran the three stop signs and since it was late there was barely any traffic downtown. I ran the first and then the second stop sign before I realized there was a cop behind me who definitely witnessed me running them. I was at the last stop sign and he still hadn’t pulled me over so I kept going.

       Right before I got to the stop light with the gas station in sight he finally pulls me over with two other cops pulling behind him and with that I let it all gooo! The cop gets out of his car and heads towards my window as I’m preparing to tell him the reason for my actions. As I’m rolling my window down before the cop could get a word out I began to tell him how sorry I was and that I ran those stop signs because i was trying to make it to the restroom before I sh!t myself. Needless to say it happen. I know he believes me and the smell hit him as soon as I rolled the window down because he begins to take a step back and tells me to hold tight and walks away without asking for my insurance and ID which has never happened to me before. He comes back after a minute or so and tells me how my driving could cause a wreck and then sends me on my way without writing me a ticket. So the moral of the story is if a cop ever pulls you over and you don’t want a ticket, sh!t on yourself cause they don’t want to deal with that mess. What can I say Shit Happens….