Q: What are some things you’ve learned from past relationships?

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A:  I swear this question couldn’t have came at a better time in my life simply because I am still learning from a past relationship. Now I know everyone has heard the song “Love is Blind” by Eve, if you haven’t slap yourself. Well if you haven’t she has a verse in the song that says, “Love is blind, and it will take over your mind. What you think is love, is truly not. You need to elevate and find.” This verse alone could sum up the answer to this question on its own but luckily for you; I got some sh!t to get off my chest.

My last “real” relationship ended about a year ago. We were together almost 6 years and had a beautiful baby boy together. When I tell you I was all in from day one, I was ALL IN! I was doing wifely duties at a girlfriend status. Most people might even say I spoiled him but only because to me that was my best friend. Life didn’t get any better and I had so much love in my heart for him I was going to make sure he was happy. It didn’t matter how much money he had, where he stayed, the fact that he knew the bus routes better than me, or the fact that he didn’t have a useful education. His history with the law couldn’t stop me from feeling like I needed him in my life; In our child’s life. I was ALL IN!

Most people that know me, know how I am when it comes to my family. And the fact that NOBODY in my family wanted me with him still couldn’t break what I had claimed as love. True enough I still took him to some family dinners, when he was willing, and because of their love for me; they “tolerated” him. WARNING: If he shows no interest in getting to know your family, he’s not for you. Its crazy because this thought burned in my brain on numerous occasions and yet I stayed.

So over the course of the years, the signs just kept on coming and I just kept on ignoring. I took care of him mentally, physically, and emotionally. He found out he had diabetes shortly after our son was born and I never left his side. I slept in a very uncomfortable hospital chair for a week. I studied diabetes just so I had more knowledge on the subject to do what I needed to do for him. I was checking blood sugars, giving insulin injections, counting carbs, cooking the right foods and measuring out the right portions, scheduling doctors appointments, and still taking care of my kids.

When he told me about the trouble he got into that prevented him from being able to graduate high school, I didn’t pass any judgement. Instead, I tried to encourage him to pursue his GED. All he had to do was sign up for the classes and I was his teacher. I was willing to balance my own job and being a mother to help him get ahead in life. Help him prove to himself that your past does not have to define your future. It’s not too late and you have sons who need a positive role model in their life.

We all know the saying, “It takes a strong man to be a father”, and what I had in front of me was not a “strong man.” Notice throughout this response, I have not referred to him as a man. Keep reading and I’m positive you’ll understand why that is. So anyways, when he came to me about his other son I just listened. Again, I didn’t pass any judgement. I reached out to his sons mother and invited him over to not only get to know his little brother, but to get to know his dad as well. A lot of females might not have cared enough to get involved, but again to me, this was “love”.

Given the circumstance, those warning signs began to slap me in my face one at a time. I started to watch myself fall apart. The feeling of being taken for granted never felt so real. I felt like I had literally done everything for him. I had held him down through everything. I was ALL IN! Yet, I’m sitting back watching him fall out of love with me. And eventually, I fell out of love with him. In the end, he left, and I pushed him there. My mom used to tell me, “When you’re tired, you’ll know.” And let me tell you, I was tired. I couldn’t be a mother to my kids in that state of mind. I didn’t want this to be a lasting memory in my children heads. So I did what I knew I had to do, I moved on.

Now, in 2018, the person I would have done anything for treats me like a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe. Before I explain what I mean by that, let me take a moment to say this. After parting ways, reality of being a single mother of 3 was literally staring back at me. I kept thinking, “How did I get back to this point?” And despite this, I never took anything out on him. I reached out to him when it came to our son and our son only. For months, he didn’t reach out or even try to see his son. So again, I did what I needed to do and I focused on being a better mother and a better me. I didn’t run downtown to the child support office, sure I threatened to do it a couple of times but can you blame me? I didn’t blow his phone up about his son, I just swallowed everything and did what I had to do as a mother to take care of my children.

At the end of it all, I learned the difference between love and lust. Love should never be one sided and you should never ignore the warning signs. If someone truly loves you back you will know. I loved him with everything in me and now I am faced with making a decision that can effect myself and my son long term. So I want to end this with a question for you. I need my readers to help me figure out what my next move should be. Okay so we are still speaking on the same person, and now his new girlfriend.

Let me start off by saying, I have never been disrespectful towards his girlfriend. Every time I have gone to drop off my son, I acknowledged her presence and kept it moving. I never came at her in a disrespectful way. My sons father and I have not been together in almost a year. I have moved on just like him. So this past weekend I went out with my girls like normal. Mind you, I have seen both of them out on numerous occasions and there was never an issue. But for some reason since he was not with her this time and she was with his sister, she decides to come out of character and starts picking at me. Now, I did not retaliate in any way, we simply just left and continued to enjoy our night. The following day, which was a Sunday, I reached out to him about getting our son like he had been doing every Sunday. I made it a point to let him know how I felt about the encounter I had with his girlfriend the night before. Instead of being a man and putting his chick in check he proceeds to instigate the situation. Now I have this chick threatening to run up on me whenever she sees me. But for what??

So my question is for the ladies and the men…would you ever let your “new” boo disrespect the mother or father of your children? Also, would I be wrong to keep my son away from his dad because I am not comfortable putting my son in a hostile environment? Comment below and I look forward to hearing from you.


1 Comment

  1. Granny Kathy

    July 10, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    It is never easy co-parenting especially when there is a totally new significant other in the picture. It appears your child’s father must “get some things straight” with his new boo. You and he have a lifetime commitment with your son. She may only be temporary. He needs to explain to her that you are the mother of his child and must be respected at ALL times. Her feelings about you should never come into play. Unless you are giving her reason to feel some type of way. As long as each of you do what is best for your son the significant other doesn’t matter. That’s his problem because she never wants to be your problem!